The Associated Pest

What do companies like Anheuser-Busch, Seagrams, Eli Lilly, Dow Chemical and DuPont have in common? Two are alcohol distributors, the others make antidepressants and other pharmaceuticals. But, all of them are big contributors to the Parnership for a Drug-Free America, INC. (the caps on incorporated are mine). On the surface I think most people would say: “Aw, go blaze another one, Steve, so what? They’re contributing money to fight drugs, that seems admirable.” Let me explain to you why you’re wrong, and exactly what their interest is in the war on drugs–particularly, as it pertains to marijuana.

I’m writing about this now because a cool thing happened in Denver today, you can get the full story here. The voters passed an initiative making weed busts the absolute lowest priority for the police, below traffic violations even. But, as is so often the case, local government is ahead of the curve while big government is mired in the past. It seems that even though voters have made their wishes well known, the larger state law will still be enforced by the local police. This will be a lot like California, in which the state law legalizing medicinal marijuana is always running up against the superseding federal laws on the substance.

Like Chris Rock once said, it isn’t that they don’t want you to use drugs–they just want you to use their drugs. A bag of weed could be a pretty strong competitor for a case of Miller High Life, hemp could give nylon a run for it’s money, and the green would be wildly popular as an antidepressant–no side-effects like headaches, diarrhea, erectile dysfunction, suicidal feelings, etc. Okay, maybe some weight gain, what with the Funions and all.

Think how frustrating this would to these companies. It comes right out of the ground and it doesn’t need to be processed or fucked with by people at all, and everyone could do it in their backyard. As we all know, hideously addictive synthetic opiates like Oxycontin are totally kosher–hey, they’ve got little inks stamps on them, they must be okay for you! God, however, apparently does make mistakes–unlike Pfizer and Merck–and the green weed was one of them.

Don’t forget, there is a federal bureaucracy established to regulate both alcohol and tobacco–the ATF– that employs a great many people, and the government is obligated to ensure that alcohol and tobacco continue to do bang-up business in this country. Jobs depend on it. As long as these agencies exist, the government will be actively involved in quashing competition for booze and cigarettes, and also for the big pharmaceutical companies.

These days, it seems like state and local-level governments are the only ones actually making laws, passing bills, and in short accomplishing things of value with a minimum of bullshit. When the federal government refused to conform to international standards for pollution, the California legislature went ahead and passed a state law, effectively saying, “not in our state, you won’t.” Apparently the smog in LA taught them a lesson. Other states will surely follow in their path, and finally, when they realize change is inevitable, the federal government will have to cave and actually create some realistic national limits on emissions and other pollutants.

Never kid yourself the government is concerned about public safety. If that were the case, we wouldn’t be giving driver’s licenses to 16 year olds and octogenarians, most fast food would be banned, gun laws would look much different, and cigarettes and alcohol–you know, I’m not even going to bore you with the stats on how many lives are lost because of these legally sanctioned drugs. Let’s just say that the safety of the public takes a backseat to anyone willing to write a big enough contribution check. Right now, California and some counties in Idaho and Montana are starting to see this, and now the people of Denver have spoken. But it remains to be seen if the cops–or the feds–will listen.

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