First, let’s break down the trailer to prove why this movie will be awesome. Then we’ll look at the subject matter a bit closer. After there is no doubt left your mind as to how awesome this awesome movie truly is we’ll briefly go over why Beowulf sucks and always will suck and why the trailer sucks too.
Booming classical music, big enveloping explosions, sexy skantily clad women, breathy deep guteral voice: “Bred from darkness, Protected by divinity…”, then more explosions as the music climaxes. First of all, I’m already sold. What else do you need in a movie trailer?! God! I want to see this movie right now! Clearly Steve’s awesomeness has blinded him here. How could he miss it?
The most obvious distinction between the two movies is that one is derivative of a stupid book (Beowulf) and the other is the ultimate incarnation of a totally awesome video game (Hitman)! Only a biased literature freak would fall for such dribble. Has he even played the video game? I think not! Think about it. You go around the world on a murderous rampage correcting injustice and nailing hot babes at the same time. Thats the very definition of awesome! If the main character were a British spy instead of a rouge agent of a secret society we’d be talking about how awesome this new James Bond movie is.
Finally as promised a critical look at the stupid Beowulf movie trailer. The first unbearable thing about this movie trailer is that it looks like a cartoon. Literally. If you look closely at the trailer there is this stupid sheen on all of the people. It makes the CGI look cheap or haphazard. Also when the main character shouts “I am Beowulf!” my first reaction was that of awful deja vu. He sounds like the guy who says “We are Sparta” or whatever in that other movie from last year which I didn’t see. All of which makes impossible for me to suspend disbelief long enough to watch this ridiculous Beowulf movie. In fact it earns a double thumbs down, do not waste your time and watch this movie rating by me. You’ve been warned.
Related:
- Read Steve’s Stupid Counterpoint
- See all of the Hitman trailers at http://www.hitmanmovie.com/
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2 responses so far ↓
1 Steve // Nov 12, 2007 at 12:55 am
I’d just like to say that JP is a complete and utter ass clown. Hitman sux.
2 G-man // Nov 12, 2007 at 1:53 pm
ya i saw both trailers, i’m with you steve. avay maria was a just too much.
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