Dear Sasha,
I just found out that my girlfriend cheated on me, and even though I’m pissed, I still want to be with her. But for that to happen, I want her to get tested. How do I tell her this without making her mad?
Sincerely,
Fred from France
I’m sorry to hear about what happened with your girlfriend, and kudos to you for wanting to stick around and work through it. I hope it works out the way you want it to.
It seems that for a lot of people the first thoughts of going in for STD testing comes after someone has been unfaithful. While any reason you may have for getting yourself into a testing center is a great reason, everyone should remember that getting tested, regardless of whether or not infidelity has taken place, is extremely important.
For those of you dealing with a cheating partner, it may feel awkward to ask them to go get tested. A great way to alleviate some of the tension is to offer to go with them. What’s more, is that you will benefit from this kind gesture. Even though you are not the person who strayed, it is just as important to stay up to date on your testing.
Should either one of you end up testing positive for an STD, it is important to educate yourself thoroughly on ways to deal with the results. Several STDs can be cured through a simple medication, while others have more complicated issues that need to be handled. Try and be sensitive to the feelings of the person who tested positive, as it can be an emotional process to go through.
There are several websites that contain a plethora of information on how to deal with STDs both physically and emotionally. Again, education is the best way to cope with any issues that may come from testing and test results. So make sure you learn as much as you can before making any decisions about how to move on with your relationship.
Hope this helps, thanks from writing!
All the best,
Sasha
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3 responses so far ↓
1 Steve // Nov 20, 2007 at 12:55 am
First of all, if you just got cheated on and now you don’t want to “make your girlfriend mad” you might be a total pussy, kid.
You just got cheated on. I think we can shelve any concerns about offending your delicate little flower’s sensibilities. It is your right to demand a test. Why would any reasonable person refuse? If her cheatin’ ass even wants you to consider taking her back, she had better be groveling with a negative test IN HAND at your door with kneepads and a steak cooked medium rare, before you consider going any further.
This is why Sasha is sex columnist and not me. I have no patience for these yokels!
2 sasha // Nov 20, 2007 at 12:45 pm
Cheating is definitely a touchy subject. If someone I dated had sex with another person while in a relationship with me, I probably wouldn’t stick around either. The important part of this column is to encourage people to go out and get tested!
Thanks for the response Steve.
3 Jenn // Nov 23, 2007 at 11:26 pm
Ohhh Steve…you get an A+ for expressing yourself so well.
Although I won’t be responded quite the same as our friend Steve, I can’t help but to agree with him on some (or most) levels.
She DID cheat on you, which gives you the right to pretty much run the show from here on out (or I should say, until things are back to “normal”, don’t get crazy now)
If it is worth it to her to get back with you…
(even though I have a really hard time with any excusable reason for cheating—unless you have a personality disorder—seriously,and even then, probably not)
…she should already be in the process of getting tested…and seriously, if she just “whatever” about the whole thing…drop her ass.
Remember: we do have like 300 million people in the U.s. and 51%-ish female (You got options!)
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