The Associated Pest

Last month Disney was forced to close famed attraction, It’s A Small World because the people of that world are apparently not so small at all. The boats were bottoming out causing delays, and keeping families stuck in the eerie ride. For a long time employees knew of these weight issues, and would leave empty seats when big poppa got on. The problem is, the big poppa from ten years ago is now critically obese papa. He, his blubbery wife and 2.6 little butterballs are more than enough to wreck a ride these days. Disney’s Pirates of the Caribbean may also have to close due to overweight guests taking the plunge. After the hugely successful movies, whose god-awful plots are loosely based on their namesake ride, such closures could be a real annoyance.

Now Disney’s business policies these days are a slap in Walt’s cryogenically frozen face, and I’ve seen first hand how Mickey himself mugs and robs unhappy families while they’re on unhappy Disney vacations. It doesn’t concern me one bit that they have to renovate old ass rides to accommodate fat ass guests. I have no beef with the obese, so to speak. But I think this is a sad trend.

Between 1960 and 2004 the percentage of Overweight Americans jumped from 44 to 66%. Yeah, I just said 66. This means that after adjusting for grossly underweight teenage girls, less than a third of us Yanks are a healthy weight. As obesity only raises the “risk of death from all causes” clause of the mortality rate 10-50 percent this is not concerning at all.

Why then are we getting steadily larger? Fast food conglomerates are popping up everywhere, and huge portions of greasy food is the norm. Even decent restaurants scrimp on the veggies, and the few they give are usually genetically modified, nutrient less, and covered in chemically laden margarine. Even those of us who cook, are subjected to monosodium this or triglycerided that in everything we buy. High fructose corn syrup is apparently necessary in 95% of foods. Milk is filled with hormones. The Colonial’s chicken comes from a test tube. These businesses are run by investors, to whom our health is obviously of no concern. I just wonder how many invest in band aid pharmaceuticals to round out the equation.

Now I’m not saying our portly friends are off the hook as they could have found a way to eat somewhat healthily. All I’m saying is that the people who invest in food industries have realized that people are weak and suffer from serious food addictions. They find the cheapest way to make tasty food by mixing together a bunch of chemicals and viola.

Regardless of how many steps removed, everything we use comes directly from the earth. When we eat, we get life sustaining energy from the earth. The purer the better. It’s no surprise then, that when we subsist on a manipulated conglomerate of chemicals, we get sick.

So what to do? First off, don’t freak out and run to the store to buy diet pills. Take your body type into consideration. Some people were just meant to have some meat on their bones. Forget skinny, aim for healthy.

A cleanse like the master cleanse would be a good start, but must be followed up by a change in diet. Salads are your friends, but chuck the iceberg. The rule is, the darker the better.. Soup is great too because the body doesn’t have to work as hard to break it down leaving you with that energy. Make a big healthy, hearty pot a week and freeze some. Shop at health food stores. It may be expensive, but it’s not as expensive as a triple bypass. Think about it. And finally, before you take your life and health into your own hands, and out of the hands of shady, soulless investors; take a trip to Disney and try to squeeze your rotund rear into as many rides as you can, just to spite them.

Last 5 posts by RiTT da ReDD

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