The Associated Pest

Dear Sasha,

I have a “friend” who I really enjoy sleeping with. We seem to have a great connection in the bedroom, and I like that I can call him up for sex whenever I please, and I do not need to constantly inform him of my daily happenings.  It has gone well so far, but what can I do to ensure that it stays in the friends with benefits zone?

Sincerely,

Content with Casual Coitus

Dear Content,

I am sure many Pest readers will tip their hats to a young lady like you having such a strong since of sexual freedom. (I know I do, cheers to you dear) However, the friends with benefits zone can become blurry if those after sex cuddle sessions begin to drag on through the morning hours.

There are a lot of people who like the idea of a friend with whom they can bang, but they don’t realize that their actions and words can bring a casual fling into a full fledged relationship if one is not careful.Here are a few tips to make sure the late night booty call stays in the dark:

1) No matter how badly the person wants you to bullshit them, STAY HONEST. It is important to leave the sugar coating in the candy shop, and be as blunt as possible when “feeler” questions are put out there. For example:

Person A: We have such a great connection, couldn’t you just do this everyday forever and ever?

Person B: I could see this working every night, for at least a few more weeks. 

It may seem harsh now, but leading a person on to believe that you see a real future with them will only land you in fight mode later down the line.

 2) Do not bring the late night booty call over during day light, unless it is for a study break or a morning pick up.  If it has been worked out between the two of you that there are no black out dates on the booty call annual pass, then by all means, have at it. However, if one person changes the schedule all of a sudden, confusion may come in and that always leads to disaster.

3) Do not go out on dates. Dates = dating, and that will surely confuse on person in this equation. Going out and grabbing a drink after dinner is not a date, so that is allowed. Meeting up for a coffee before a caffeine charged sexcapade ensues, is not a date. Finding each other at a party and drinking until your clothes come off is not a date. Dinner and a movie, with dessert at home is a date. Catch my drift?

4) Do not, under any circumstances, introduce your booty call to any family member. I don’t care if it is your 5th cousin twice removed, brother from a different mother, sister from a different mister, family meetings are serious, and no booty call should ever be introduced. I wouldn’t even introduce them to your grandmother’s dog if I were you. No family relations, period.

As long as you keep it casual, honest, and open you should have no problem keeping up a great friends with benefits situation. However, these tips do not guarantee that one person isn’t going to end up falling for the other. When sex is involved, it is pretty hard to control emotional attachment.

Good luck, be respectful, and enjoy the ride, because it may end sooner than you expected!

All the best,

Sasha 

Last 5 posts by sasha

• Cougars Give Me Hope - January 22nd, 2008
• Second Date Blues - December 17th, 2007
• Holiday Party Hangover - December 10th, 2007
• No Shame in the Masturbation Game - November 26th, 2007
• Testing 1,2,3 - November 19th, 2007