The Associated Pest

- A Guest Blog by Ritter -

 
Forget terrorism, governmental conspiracy, Avian flu and global warming. We have a true disaster on our hands that might bee serious. The problem is the decline in common honeybees from the mysterious Colony Collapse Disorder, which according to consumer affairs could cost 14 billion a year in lost […]

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By Steve
In an unusual move, the U.N. issued a non-binding resolution today asking that actress and singer Lindsay Lohan be extradited immediately from her home in Los Angeles, California and made to submit to a one hour torture session of waterboarding as punishment for her recent drunk driving arrest. The questionable practice involves […]

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At a press conference that stunned the nation, adult film megastar Jenna Jameson announced today that she would bare it all for the nation’s premier men’s magazine, Playboy.

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Coming on the heels of her revelation at a Q and A session earlier in the week that Professor Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts, was indeed gay, world famous author of the Harry Potter series J.K. Rowling again stunned the public with a new announcement: Voldemort and his Death-Eaters regularly engaged in wife-swapping, daisy chains, […]

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By Steve
Well frankly, I’ve got a couple of theories on the subject. A leading one is the fact that she ingests a lot more food down her pie-hole than her metabolism can process. I mean, I’ve seen the bitch take chili-dogs down the throat faster than Jenna Jameson takes man-meat into her baby […]

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New York City, Oct. 15th

In a bid to stave off recent charges of his questionable masculinity, Democratic Presidential hopeful John Edwards fought and defeated inflammatory conservative columnist Ann Coulter yesterday in a three-round exhibition boxing match at Madison Square Garden—leaving the writer and pundit in critical condition.
In recent weeks Coulter had fired several shots at […]

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Today President Bush urged a House Foreign Affairs Committee to vote against classifying the slaughter of 1.5 million Armenians at the hands of the Ottoman Empire—the modern country of Turkey—as a genocide.While the World War I-era massacre is widely viewed by scholars and historians as the 20th century’s first genocide, the president cited political convenience […]

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The staff here at The Associated Pest is excited to announce our newest member of the staff, Steve. After months of negotiations with his agent, a deal has finally been reached. If you are not familiar with Steve’s fascinating and critically acclaimed work, the bio below will serve as a little introduction into who he […]

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